Assorted thought update #3

[fitia]

I really do need to train myself to write on here more often, so, why not start to try and make a habit of it today? I also need to train myself to stop overthinking all the time. Did you know that it took me five minutes to gather up the courage to write those previous two sentences because I felt that they needed about 5 lines of clarification? Love how my brain works.

• I have finally found the motivation to write again, and am primarily working on two different projects which I hope I'll be done with by the end of the year, both Ace Attorney related: the first, a character study fanfic that I've been meaning to write since March, and the second, a really long retrospective essay on my relationship to the series and to a specific branch of fan discourse I've already mentioned so I can evacuate all my feelings on the latter and then never think about it again.

• ^Related to this: not that I wasn't aware beforehand, but I think I can articulate why I tend to freeze up during my creative process better, now. I have really bad endurance, and tend to fizzle out along with the spark of motivation that initially drives my productivity, and haven't really found good strategies to keep myself going once I hit that point. Endless cycle of "do good creative work for maybe a day and a half, and then lose steam for several weeks until the spark returns". Very annoying. Current solution is "just push through once you feel that motivation slant", but the issue with that is I have this unreasonable fear that I'll never reach the level of endurance that won't put me in the position of having to do that forever, et à force de toujours devoir le faire I'm afraid I'll burn out creatively. Forever. But also that's my anxiety talking, so I'm trying to discipline my brain into just going with pushing through.
   
• I'll be just about done with reading Benedict Anderson's Imagined Communities in two chapters, and I've been enjoying it lots! Incredibly thought-provoking and clarifying re: the historical development of nationalism/national sentiment, and is encouraging me to read more about national revolutions in Latin America and Southeast Asia, because those histories are like, embarrassingly opaque to me at the moment, seeing as that they're very globally significant. I have a lot more books on the history of nationalism and the development of the modern Nation State in the 19th and 20th centuries that I'll be wanting to get into after this one, it's been a topic that's fascinated me for a while now.
• Been obsessed with this Korean singer's cover of Comment te dire adieu for the past few weeks. Her french pronunciation is really good, and there's something about her rendition that really gets at my sentimentality.

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