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Jun. 3rd, 2025 09:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fitiaWriting this is distracting me from revisions (a whole month of exams coming up... god help me) but, well, sometimes the feelings you need evacuated are just as distracting, so I'll take the risk of shaving off one hour for this.
I've known for a long time that I've had a very poor relationship with social media, and in these past several weeks, where I've had to put most of my activity on pause for practical reasons, it's really made me think about how to actively go about changing it. I'm glad I picked up this Dreamwidth account, because again, it's a space I find more calming and less demanding and less like it feels like I have eyes on me at all times, and it encourages me to speak more at length and much more honestly.
But there is, also, the issue that my main draw to social media is fan spaces, where all the active conversation and engagement is at, and while a lesser fear of uncontrollable judgment is ultimately better for me, it does activate the FOMO feelings pretty hard to be in a slower space where engagement isn't as quickly guaranteed.
Though this can be a feeling that I'll just have to work on. Even in those faster social media spaces, interaction and engagement aren't always guaranteed, and it's been a few times that I've experienced the disappointment of finding someone with similar fan tastes and opinions as I am only to find myself blocked. And that's not a big deal, I'd like everyone to be in control of their own space, of course, but it certainly has made the experience of being a fan a bit lonely when I'm branching out.
So... what to do? I'm not exactly sure at present, especially since I lack the time to do so for most of the month of June. But I've been tossing around some ideas:
And there's more, along the lines of training myself out of certain expectations I have in interacting with other users (namely: not to let my desire to approach likeminded people turn into a disproportionate need for approval and let that control how I operate online, even though half the time they aren't exactly aware that I even exist, lol), and maybe just... putting my phone down altogether and "touching grass", as they say.
I simply don't want the misery I experience in my hobby spaces to outweigh the fun I want to have and could be having; and I think a dramatic change in habit is going to have to be the way forward.
I've known for a long time that I've had a very poor relationship with social media, and in these past several weeks, where I've had to put most of my activity on pause for practical reasons, it's really made me think about how to actively go about changing it. I'm glad I picked up this Dreamwidth account, because again, it's a space I find more calming and less demanding and less like it feels like I have eyes on me at all times, and it encourages me to speak more at length and much more honestly.
But there is, also, the issue that my main draw to social media is fan spaces, where all the active conversation and engagement is at, and while a lesser fear of uncontrollable judgment is ultimately better for me, it does activate the FOMO feelings pretty hard to be in a slower space where engagement isn't as quickly guaranteed.
Though this can be a feeling that I'll just have to work on. Even in those faster social media spaces, interaction and engagement aren't always guaranteed, and it's been a few times that I've experienced the disappointment of finding someone with similar fan tastes and opinions as I am only to find myself blocked. And that's not a big deal, I'd like everyone to be in control of their own space, of course, but it certainly has made the experience of being a fan a bit lonely when I'm branching out.
So... what to do? I'm not exactly sure at present, especially since I lack the time to do so for most of the month of June. But I've been tossing around some ideas:
- In order to better focus for finals, I deleted my main Tumblr blog. I'm considering not logging in anymore after the month is over, even though it has been my favourite place to engage with fandom over the years and I like my friends and mutuals on there.
- ^ I think that this could force me to find alternatives for fan engagement: one objectively deleterious effect of being on that app is that it does encourage the endless scrolling habit, which steals away time I could have used to practice my more creative hobbies. I think having more time to write and to draw, and then as a result having more... well, results to present, to share with fan spaces, would do me some good.
- It would also leave me more time for reading and research on my various interests, so that it doesn't feel like my brain is atrophying 24/7, lmfao
And there's more, along the lines of training myself out of certain expectations I have in interacting with other users (namely: not to let my desire to approach likeminded people turn into a disproportionate need for approval and let that control how I operate online, even though half the time they aren't exactly aware that I even exist, lol), and maybe just... putting my phone down altogether and "touching grass", as they say.
I simply don't want the misery I experience in my hobby spaces to outweigh the fun I want to have and could be having; and I think a dramatic change in habit is going to have to be the way forward.
